there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
