who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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