A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
