literally had 100 drinks last night.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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