I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
