Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
