It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
