If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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