I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
