all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
