Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
