you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
