I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
