apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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