Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
