Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
