He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
