At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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