I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
