well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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