if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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