You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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