Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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