so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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