i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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