Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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