You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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