rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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