At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize