So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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