And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize