Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
