I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
