Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
