sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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