glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
