toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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