I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
