Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
