I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
