what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
