I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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