I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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