It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize