I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
