i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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