why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We just shotgunned beers for America
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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