420 ftw
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
