i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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