Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
