How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize