Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Found your dick twin last night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
