Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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