So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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