i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
