this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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