i was born a porn star she said
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
