everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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