i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize