Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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