ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
