don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
