he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
