I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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