I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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